ANTYDHTBP YCBG

Happy Sunday to all. I got to round in the hospital today again. I had drank my morning coffee prior to going to see patients so it was much more focused than yesterday. This past week has been so busy with the taking care of patients aspect of my job along with at least one extra activity during the day, it feels weird that there is nothing really much work wise going on today. I think things will return to the business of last week again tomorrow as there will be further preparations for the conference workshop on Thursday. I am very excited for that but more finishing touches to be done on the workshop. That can wait until tomorrow however

Today I will share some thoughts about the process of writing each day about this topic as someone who both has no history of writing and does have a history of procrastination (I will refer you to the last sentence of Paragraph #1). I have to do this every day, otherwise I will take a two-day break, and then a three-day break, and then I am actually going to just go back to weekly entries, and then there will only be posts like the one from 3/31 every couple of months. I think I have shared that I don’t eat until I have written at least 500 words each day which has been uncomfortable but has not been too bad. It is enough to force me to find time in the morning because if I wait until the afternoon, then it will be uncomfortable. That is my method of making sure I sit down to do it. The deadline is also important to make sure I don’t sit and stew too much. That is where improv has helped me pretty significantly. I know that a sentence may not be perfect, but let’s see where it leads. I think improv has allowed me to trust myself so much more in writing and all pursuits. Battling the hesitation and sense that your ideas aren’t good enough is constant for me when I am on stage. At a certain point, I recognize what’s happening and know that I must push through; there are no other options. The realization of what is happening is what allows me to put it aside. I felt those feelings at certain points during my show last Friday night. Improv has not eliminated imposter syndrome type feelings from my life. It has given me the tools to push through the feelings. When I sit down to write, I have all of the usual thoughts roiling around in my head, you know the classics… “No one is reading this” “Who are you to think you can write about this” “You are stupid, you aren’t funny, and anyone who is nice to you is probably just pretending because they feel sorry for you”. It doesn’t actually get that bad, but I have moments where I stop and think about not writing for the day. Improv has told me to just write things down to explore where it will go. This topic I am currently writing about was not planned for today, but I do think it reflects what is happening in my life. I think that helps me be present for the moments of my life, rather than thinking about how they can be used to explore improv in my life. I think that pushing through feelings of imposter syndrome help with getting better at anything. It is helping me to write every day, which is likely the only way I am going to get better at writing. Improv has provided a creative outlet for me and in doing so, gave me to opportunity to trust myself. The quote from East of Eden by John Steinbeck comes to mind “And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good”. That lesson can be felt when reading that book and I feel that freedom when I perform improv. OK, see y’all out there!